Help Wanted: Coin Dealer
6th National Silver Dollar Convention
St. Louis, Missouri
November 11 -17, 1985
Help Wanted: Coin Dealer
By Roger P. Bryan
REQUIREMENTS: Love of money. (Numismatically, of course.)
- One to one hundred years experience.
- Love of history.
- Love of art.
- Tolerance of non-art.
- Curiosity of a cat.
- Endurance of a pole-sitter.
- Patience of Job.
- Able to carry (for miles) two 100 lb. bags of simulated bulldozer parts.
- Memory of an elephant.
- Eyes of a hawk.
- Heart of a gypsy (travel).
- Vocabulary of a Harvard professor inter-mixed with some New York slang and a little of that down-home, red neck, southern drawl.
BENEFITS: Opportunity to be away from home four days out of 52 weeks each year.
- Qualify to enter slam-dunk contest (arms become elongated from carrying heavy cases of coins).
- Candidate for the Hertz rental car commercial (running through airports to make connections).
- Talent to sleep while sitting upright in airport waiting lounges. Dagwood Bumstead holds world record.
- Opportunity to use U.S. of A. taxi system.
- Great opportunity to learn many foreign languages. (Very little English is spoken by U.S. of A. taxi drivers).
- Chance to improve your foreign and American profanity levels.
- Chance to visit some of the great hotels of the world, and improve your argumentative skills while checking in and out.
- Chance to live the great hotel life: how to get by on one wash cloth and hand towel per day – how to sit and be comfortable on a broken toilet seat – how to wash with a bar of soap the size of a quarter – how to hang your clothes in a closet when the hangers are 4 inches wider than the closet – how to cope with the switchboard that disconnects phone service at 9 p.m. – chance to improve tipping etiquette – tip number one bellman who assists you from your vehicle – tip number two bellman who takes your baggage to the check-in counter – tip number three bellman who takes your baggage to your room – if you have any money left, telephone room service to bring up some ice.
- Chance to learn what to say to your guest when you take them to your room at 5:00 p.m. and the room has not been made up.
- Learn to get up early – and what to do when you sleep with ear noise stoppers and the fire alarm goes off at 3:00 a.m. (Take wife on this trip.) Fire exit location is helpful.
- Learn what to say to the taxi driver that takes a wrong turn and the proceeds to back-up on the freeway of the New Jersey Turnpike.
- Learn what to say to the taxi driver (dressed in full black belt karate outfit) when he gets out of the taxi you are riding in and karate-chops the hood of the cab.
- Thrill of a lifetime ride on a Kama-Kazie flight from Colorado Springs to Denver while you watch fellow passengers barf and count the distended veins of the pilot’s hand that has a death grip on the throttle.
- Learn what to do when you are driving back with a collection at 5:00 a.m. on a frozen December morning and you turn on the windshield washer.
LONG RANGE PROGNOSIS: Feast and famine (remember the squirrel and winter). Hire an excellent massage therapist or chiropractor. Don’t believe every prophet and see-all-know-all. Most Americans like to salt something away. Remember, Redfield?
TRAVEL PLANS: All applicants must take Kama-Kazie flight to Colorado Spring and apply at company headquarters. Good luck. Pay based on experience.