skip to Main Content

Help Wanted: Coin Dealer

6th National Silver Dollar Convention

St. Louis, Missouri

November 11 -17, 1985



Help Wanted:  Coin Dealer

By Roger P. Bryan



REQUIREMENTS:  Love of money.  (Numismatically, of course.)

  • One to one hundred years experience.
  • Love of history.
  • Love of art.
  • Tolerance of non-art.
  • Curiosity of a cat.
  • Endurance of a pole-sitter.
  • Patience of Job.
  • Able to carry (for miles) two 100 lb. bags of simulated bulldozer parts.
  • Memory of an elephant.
  • Eyes of a hawk.
  • Heart of a gypsy (travel).
  • Vocabulary of a Harvard professor inter-mixed with some New York slang and a little of that down-home, red neck, southern drawl.


BENEFITS:  Opportunity to be away from home four days out of 52 weeks each year.

  • Qualify to enter slam-dunk contest (arms become elongated from carrying heavy cases of coins).
  • Candidate for the Hertz rental car commercial (running through airports to make connections).
  • Talent to sleep while sitting upright in airport waiting lounges.  Dagwood Bumstead holds world record.
  • Opportunity to use U.S. of A. taxi system.
  • Great opportunity to learn many foreign languages.  (Very little English is spoken by U.S. of A. taxi drivers).
  • Chance to improve your foreign and American profanity levels.
  • Chance to visit some of the great hotels of the world, and improve your argumentative skills while checking in and out.
  • Chance to live the great hotel life:  how to get by on one wash cloth and hand towel per day – how to sit and be comfortable on a broken toilet seat – how to wash with a bar of soap the size of a quarter – how to hang your clothes in a closet when the hangers are 4 inches wider than the closet – how to cope with the switchboard that disconnects phone service at 9 p.m. – chance to improve tipping etiquette – tip number one bellman who assists you from your vehicle – tip number two bellman who takes your baggage to the check-in counter – tip number three bellman who takes your baggage to your room – if you have any money left, telephone room service to bring up some ice.
  • Chance to learn what to say to your guest when you take them to your room at 5:00 p.m. and the room has not been made up.
  • Learn to get up early – and what to do when you sleep with ear noise stoppers and the fire alarm goes off at 3:00 a.m.  (Take wife on this trip.)  Fire exit location is helpful.
  • Learn what to say to the taxi driver that takes a wrong turn and the proceeds to back-up on the freeway of the New Jersey Turnpike.
  • Learn what to say to the taxi driver (dressed in full black belt karate outfit) when he gets out of the taxi you are riding in and karate-chops the hood of the cab.
  • Thrill of a lifetime ride on a Kama-Kazie flight from Colorado Springs to Denver while you watch fellow passengers barf and count the distended veins of the pilot’s hand that has a death grip on the throttle.
  • Learn what to do when you are driving back with a collection at 5:00 a.m. on a frozen December morning and you turn on the windshield washer.


LONG RANGE PROGNOSIS:  Feast and famine (remember the squirrel and winter).  Hire an excellent massage therapist or chiropractor.  Don’t believe every prophet and see-all-know-all.  Most Americans like to salt something away.  Remember, Redfield?

TRAVEL PLANS:  All applicants must take Kama-Kazie flight to Colorado Spring and apply at company headquarters.  Good luck.  Pay based on experience.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Back To Top